Perfect....?

It begins with eye contact and a smile, followed by a deep detailed initial conversation that led to the parking lot and eventually a candle lit dinner. They further engage in the process of falling in love even though they were non existent in each others lives just hours before these "love" events began to take place. No names or numbers have been exchanged to this point because the infatuation and interest for everything else outweighed miniscule details that can be changed, and for the sake of the beauty of the attraction the mystery of whom these lovers are makes this event that much more powerful. They leave dinner and although it's beyond cliche they proceed to the beach and catch the last process of the sun setting.. The conversation deepens and more and more is learned about each other. They stop and gaze into each others eyes knowing that the next part is the deciding factor if this could really be "love".. So they kiss and become engulfed in emotions that aren't containable, she cries, and he has goosebumps.. Love? They leave not knowing any contact information with the hopes that it will just "happen" again... Would you search for him\her or would you want to keep this a perfect memory? Is it worth skewering? Or is it worth pursuing?

Finger Pointing...

He never told me I was beautiful so I don't feel that I am and "self" esteem is non-existent. I never feel pretty or have confidence because "he" wouldn't assure me that I was pleasant to his eyes.
She never said "I want you to tell me that I'm beautiful" so I never to the initiative to express it that often, or even at all. She never "does" anything to make me feel as if I need to express those type of thoughts or feelings.
He used to be a cheater and though he doesn't give me reasons or commit suspicious behavior the things I know about your past won't let me be completely trusting in him.
Her insecurities make me wanna stray, I know how I used be but the past has zero to do with our future and I do everything in my power to show her that I'm a changed man...
He doesn't like my friends because they're all single and rarely have anything positive to say in regards to my relationship or him and when they come around an argument almost always follows my encounters and rendezvous' with them. I feel like I can't drop my friends even though they make my relationship with him hard to maintain.
She doesn't understand that I hate having to compete for her. Her "single" friends don't care about the well being of me and her, I know they try and convince her to stray thus giving me certain insecurities that cause me to feel compelled to start arguments and accuse her of things I know "may" not be true.
There is always of two sides to a story and always rights and wrongs. But what do you consider a bad recipe for a healthy relationship? Do you do things that are detrimental to what you are trying to build with your significant other or do you blame them for what's going wrong?

I know, but I want...

Thoughts are consumed with actions swayed. I did you wrong and I can't function knowing that I haven't done everything to right my wrong. You won't receive my attempts claiming we've been here before. I won't lie these lands are very well known and traveled all too often, but I know you are a good thing and that's what really hurts and makes me want you even more. I know I didn't think of you when I would "do my thing" or "hang with friends" but expected you to always think of me... I know I cheated but that's not something I do I just had a "minor" slip up. I know I flip the script when you do the same things I do and make it out to be unacceptable.. I know that you wanted all the things I said I wouldn't do or consider but I couldn't change just yet cause I was in love but not that in love... I know that you've shown me that you love me in all the necessary ways but I can't yet do the same things because I just got to the point where I can trust my heart with you.. I know you're at the end of the road because I couldn't tame my tongue , but I guess I am a little selfish... And I know now that you are not mines, I want you more even than I did when you were at my "mercy"... I hate that I have placed myself in in the cliche of "good things when they're gone" but I'm worth another chance... I'm sorry I manipulated you into loving me but I couldn't fall for you just yet cause I had baggage I wasn't willing to throw away.... AlThough you are hurting I want you back so that I can stop stop hurting and be happy... Is this the epitome of selfishness? Funny how we don't see selfishness when it's us.. Would you try again?  

Why I stay...

I have an astigmatism when it comes to seeing the hurtful things you do... Your greatness, tho it seems only I see it is what over powers me and helps me come up with excuses as to why I stay... Yea you call me out my name sometimes and get random attitudes that come from places unknown to man, but yet I find a reason to stay... I know they don't see the good you bring out in me but I do and I love how it feels when you make me smile, so I search for something that will help me stay... Though the tears you bring are the billboard for the pain you frequently cause me, I know that you give me reassurance that it's love just as many times, which is why I make up something to say as to why I stay.... You've done the unforgivable and tho it hurt me to the point where I knew I was done, I knew you was gone come back and be regretful and genuinely show remorse, so I gave myself a morally demeaning repetitive excuse to stay... Love conquers all, they don't have understand why or even how come just know that I love you and you are who I choose... If you don't see a future let go, but if you do then work thru it and learn to forget things that will linger and affect the relationship in the long run... If it makes you happy it's worth it or do you think it's not?

In the beginning...

Long summer nights spent wasting breath about the beautiful things that make us unique... Timeless kisses that lasted forever but still felt as if they were cut short.... Seductive touching that was more intense than a million dollar deadline, yet it seemed as if we couldn't get enough of that "pressure".... Recap conversations that refresh the mind into a state of bliss from which you don't want to return but you know you gotta go to bed cause it's getting late(floetry).... First morning thoughts are filled with how the rest of the few hours you spent away from them went, and you can't resist the temptation to ask "how'd you sleep".... They never say the wrong thing always in the right tone and you're never left wondering what's going on... A smile so powerful you can't help but return the favor... A stare so sensitive you can't help but return a tear... A hug soooo good you can't help but to hold on a lil longer... A hand sooo strong you still feel it's warmth when it's moved.... A new passion so tasteful that it's the only flavor you long for... Do you think this is how love begins? Or is this a smokescreen?

What would you do?

Forbidden thoughts flood the mind and make impossible aspirations seem easily attainable... But complexity is the common ground in which the situation sits... "Should I"(s) fill the atmosphere and those are undermined by "I can't"(s) because history has written rules that are seemingly meant to be obeyed and often broken... These things make for a realistic imaginary scene performed by major conflicts of interests... Past relationships hinder the one that wants to be made, coupled by the fact that someone in the surrounding parties have the same if not stronger interest in one of the participating "persons".... Although the one "he/she" has the strongest interest in is off limits they still have made an unspoken agreement to limit their intimate dealings to fantasies and cordial phone conversations... Can a friend be found in such a scenario or are the attractions too great to risk all the feelings of the surrounding persons? Can they really bury what is known and coexist as if things were never explored? So the real question is: is there such a thing as choosing what you may feel can be real love over a friend? And is it ok?

Let it go... Please?

Instantaneous defense mechanisms built by past catastrophe's that skewer the mind into believing that every future relationship and situation will be a horrific encore... Walls are put in place and ensure that previous pain can't get in and bring back the intense emotions that cause "life" doubts... No one can understand what it takes to get to that point so talking and expressing it won't help the thought process that you maintain from day to day... Time passes and you become stronger and you're able to hide your "real" feelings and you pretend to feel and show someone that you are whole heartedly "THEIRS" while you know that you aren't fully vested because you have walls that you built to keep yourself out of harms way... Now you face a dilemma because falsifying love documents is just as painful and violating as cheating, so how do you go about explaining that you have manipulated the other party involved into falling for someone who you're portraying to be and not who you really are... Heartbreak... We all know that it's always easier said than done, but is scaring someone else emotionally worth still pampering the one's you haven't yet let go? Is it fair to others for you to hold on to the past? Is it selfish to feel like we all should "GET OVER IT"? Think on that.... =^/

Comfortable...

They met a while back and the unspoken unsigned agreement was made called friendship.... Back then it was puppy love that wasn't acted upon because knowledge of the foundation that is being laid is neglected, due to the blindness created by age... A little time passes the bond deepens and the realization of "Like" is introduced and things escalate to levels that they didn't think or know were possible... So now they really have a connection because they both have something that is valuable to each other(hearts).... They grow apart go in different ways and lose track of each other due to space, people, time, or situations that one gets in... More time passes and memories grow less thought of and feelings seemingly disappear into thin air.... But just like seasons that same love comes back around... And like clock work things are mended, apologies accepted and feeling are given new life... They feel stronger about each other now because they're in a comfort zone that gives them the ability to trust faster, be more sexual, make things official and disregard the "dating" code... Things go rotten and arguments become the majority of the relationship they jumped in, and they start being absent to each other mentally and physically which brings accusations and more arguments and a harsh environment... Now they are cold to each other and nothing is left but to break up and cut all ties.. They do and time passes... Then they do it all over again as if the first time didn't happen... SMH.... So now insecurities are created, walls are built, and mazes are made for ones who want in on they're lives outside of the one who helped build them... So the question is do we want to be comfortable at the expense of being happy? Or do we do what our (emotional)heart says do rather than gathering all the facts and using that solution as the map to "our" happiness?

Do you know....

The fear of the unknown is excitement enough to make you plunge face first into what ever that darkness holds... What you get or get into may not be what you expect but the satisfaction of knowing what it is, is part of the calculation and evaluation you did before you made the decision... "LOVE" is the most common darkness we dive into, but being that it is the most common its the least we know about... Real love can't be defined or described we just know it's an euphoria and hell all in one box... But the "hell" we feel is created by ill saturated feelings and doubts... Every situation has it's own finger prints down to the one's who choose it.. So although these are calculated risks and a lot of us approach them no matter the reason, we all know that there is room for disappointment and failure... How we routinely approach things and and let them change our outlooks and mannerisms is not apart of of the calculation we made when we chose to explore the unknown.... So in turn, do we really choose to make these decisions or do we already know that some of them will fail making it not so much an "unknown" but pure ignorance and naiveness to what has been explored by others and informed to you? Or do we still approach it as "unknown" because one's outcome isn't the same as another turning off the "knowledgeable" light and making it darkness again? These are the only cases where "ignorance" is actually bliss... I think anyway....

There is no "I" in we....

"I worked to hard for you to mess this up" said the selfish man.... Selfishness never goes away, we always factor "I" in an equation before "we" come to an agreement or a decision.... But I honestly feel that if you show someone how selfless you are before you see how selfless they are willing to be, then you will be put at an emotional disadvantage... Of course what you feel and think will be bias to the situation, but it's when you really mature that you understand and know how to view and act with the notion and complete regard for other(s) feelings and thoughts.... Nothing earned is worth it unless it's shared and appreciated by someone other than "yourself".... Selfishness is the key to getting to success but selflessness is the key to maintaining it... So this begs the question, are you you willing to share? 

What's on your mind?

It starts as a simple hello, no real stimulation is involved except for the obvious physical attraction that sparked the non-physical ecstasy the minds involved are about to embark on... A common ground is found, and the intellectual "genitals" are shown... Impressed, one can't help themselves but to invite in and taunt the others attributes... Eye contact replaces kissing and is in all actuality more sensual and doesn't "lead to other things"... Past stories replace touching and foreplay and gives the warm sensation of reminiscing and the advertisement of stimulation shown by goosebumps... Future plans replace intercourse using all the same wants and goals as a pace setter and stroke motion, making the mind connection intensify... Ending the conversation with the intentions of continuing the relationship replaces the "orgasm" using this passionate endeavour you two just traveled to as a catalyst reach satisfaction... So the question is do you believe in mind sex? Or is it A myth?

Is that what it really is?

Tears, loss of appetite, lack of energy, feelings of "I quit" .... Though these are all things that are not desirable we all wish we can live them... Real pain is a feeling that we all low key strive for so that we can build ourselves to be a head strong, tried and tested individual.... It's something that although we all try to deny, we like or love the fact that we can feel sooo low and down that there's nothing left to do but progress.. We seemingly want to feel so broken and hurt that we let ourselves be torn, and we submit to situations that we know will become some of the most painful and self degrading actions ever committed. And yet we still let it go on as if we're oblivious and don't have a care that what's going on isn't apart of the grand scheme to disappoint.... When it all concludes we act like it's new and we didn't expect it to happen and catastrophically effect our lives in the way it does.... So the question is do we make ourselves fools for love or is that how it's actually supposed go?

Cliche...

The grass is always greener on the other side... That's only true if You've been on that side to see if it is for yourself... The strength of genuine emotions are irrefutable and can't be hidden, they run every action you make(relationship wise)... "if it's too good to be true it probably is"... If it is actually attainable then being too good to be true is nothing but a submission to being afraid of happiness.. Love without pain isn't real love and it won't last.. Our imperfections are what makes us strive to make the impossible achievable... Clichè's and superstitions are created or told to give a reason for one to doubt what he feels or wants to achieve... Every thing, situation, and relationship thrives from what you make of it... An opinion, statistic, or anything that isn't for the progress of what you want to achieve should be irrelevant... So how do you feel about "cliche's"? Do they serve the sole purpose to discourage? Are we bred to have doubts in ourselves?

Harmony....

A beautiful summer night that has been filled with emotions of attraction, lust, and fantasies. We've spoke on it but "me" and "her" haven't taken steps towards actually making it a reality. I don't dwell on it because it will seem as if that's all that's on my mind or that's all that I want her for. Time passes and we grow fonder and mixing water and other compounds with concrete couldn't build a bond any stronger. So I slowly kiss her cheek and pull away, she turns and stares in my eyes deeply. She screams without words "I want you", so she comes 60 and I go the other 40(the kiss). As her voluptuous silky soft lips caress mines, my heart rate increases 10 fold. So I pull away and kiss a trail from her lips to her ear and from her ear to her neck. I vary my actions from soft biting to kissing to sucking to nibbling while doing this I draw another invisible trail from her neck to her chest. I focus on her nipples but not too long cause I wanna show her that she is mine. So I began to lip sing all over her body grazing my lips across every visible part of her like a herd of hungry cows. Then I spread her legs and kiss, nibble, suck, and lick some more. Her leg trembles and she pushes me away and returns the favor to me. Once our eyes meet again we engage in fierce controlled kiss and I lay her down while never loosing contact with her supple lips. Then Slowly I penetrate and she gasps while firmly sticking her nails in my back and I moan as she does. Harmony is the key to passion, and moving in the same motions makes what going on a beautiful song. Is this what she wanted?

Holding On....

Like a penguin egg: my heart, feelings and honest thoughts are sheltered... I've traveled down that road before and like the same side of a magnet my feelings just won't go that way... Is it a mind thing? Have I trained myself to be enclosed in a cocoon selfishness because of the fear of disappointment, heartbreak, or a violation of trust? Although I miss the beauty of a thoughtless kiss, or a conversation so good that it rivals a vacation.. There's something that's between us that I can't or should I dare say that I don't want to fight... Love to me is a fairy tale that we grew up hearing about in all shapes, sizes, stories, and soliloquies .... I can't definitively say that I have experienced it but then again I think that it is the sole reason why I am the way I am... Now resistance to your ways, words, (love)war tactics, are breaking me down... and I kinda like it... I feel bad that I have to end it because I have to keep my word to myself and not let anyone in again... So am I contradicting myself because I did say love to me was a fairy tale, so how could I be becoming a part of what I feel is make believe? My emotions are acidic and basic, which don't mix because their on complete opposite sides of the spectrum but that is the extent of how I'm feeling about you and this... So I guess the question I wanna know the answer to is "should anything before you even matter?"

Confessions of a breaking heart..... Thru her eyes...

When we first met it was everthing I was looking for... I even ignored and pushed aside other things that struck my fancy, because what was in my face was so engulfing that all else seemed null and void... Yea I had my wants but didn't care, his natural scent became my oxygen, his eyes became my weather: when he cried it rained, when he was away from me it was cold, when he was happy it was an autumn afternoon.. Telling me that my life didn't include him would get even my best friend excommunicated.. My heart was his and I "think" he felt the same... (time passes) 
Now that we're moving apart he doesn't want to stay with me and my mind won't function, my eyes won't focus, my body move... (my thought process) I gotta move fast because I can't lose him I won't lose him! So I agree to fall back and "just chill"... So nothing changes we still have the same routine and he still feels like mine just wit no strings attatched... I play it cool but resistence isn't one of my strengths and I bring up "titles" and like clockwork he pulls away again this time, but instead of my plan working again he replaces me with another(tramp)... Now his words are harsh and actions even harsher.. I did nothing but express my want and this is what I get in return? "I refuse to let you go" I redundantly repeat to him as if it will show him his worth in my heart! But now his shoulder is colder and words scarce... Now what do I do? At that moment I had a revelation! I'll bring to him the gift of life without actually having it! He can't disprove, but he'll fall back in love and make me number one again... Empty are his words now, and closed are his ears.. Nothing seems to work and the picture he painted with his feelings is a frameless extinct thought that is the epitome of "you mean nothing" but yet I still hold on as if knowing the girl he's with makes him happy is a figment of my imagination and my heart is still with him.... Tell me why?    

Cold...

So it's been some years, and I can say confidently that "I love you".. But then I immediately feel guilty from the misleading phrase I expressed to you.. Don't get me wrong I meant that, but not how you took it.. My heart is elsewhere, no not with a person or anything else, it's just not with you.. Time says we should be together but actions and emotions and feelings scream otherwise... I cheated... I'm sorry that I hurt you and pray you forgive me... But your kisses aren't soft anymore, your words aren't kind, your actions aren't enthusiastic... Hers were.. No I don't apologize for doing it and I don't feel bad but hurting you is not something that makes me glad.. Me and her rarely speak now and rightfully so.. She wanted more than those "moments" of pleasure and my heart mind, body and soul said no... But back to you, or us, or this, or whatever it has become, all that I know now is we can't, no we won't go on... *shrugs* that's life....

In case you didn't know...

Before I'm gone let me say "I love you".... I came first you came next.. At that time I didn't know that you would be the best thing to ever happen to me.. You kept me sane made me think deeper, see both sides unbaisedly.. Nothing and I mean nothing could replace the bond we have.. Without you I wouldn't have the skills necessary to be who I am! You are the concrete mixture to the strong foundation I built as a man and for that there's nothing I have that you can't... Now to you, a second mother in a younger form... Many things you foreignly  taught me weren't accepted because I didn't know... Busy being hard headed and rebellious, I (kid)hated you so much that I only remember the evilness you stinched of to me... But guidance isn't always what you want as much as it is what you need and your level of understanding and recognition is beyond beautiful, it's gorgeous and should be copyrighted... And I can't even start this next part without wiping my face.. Bruss although you ain't see me I saw you... I mimiced your walk, style, smoothness, I even wanted a stutter just like you.. I loved you more than I could show... We weren't the closest of them all but I did some of things you did just to feel that comfort of you sayin "what's up lil bruss".. I miss you homie and shed tears thinkin about how much you meant to me.. Um glad my last words to you were "I love you" even tho we laughed and played it off I meant that with everything I had in me!!! It's only too late when it's over but acknowledgement is a cover that warms every heart...   

Pain...

Hahaha is all I can do when one judges another by saying "you don't have it as bad as you think".... As I pause and wipe my face from the tears that flooded my face like it was a reencarnation of Katrina I try and reflect what brought me to such an emotional point.... First, my name is spelled wrong.... Now as a man I can handle it myself but how painful is it to feel like you didn't mean enough to your parents for them to spell "their" first born son's name right.. Second, why can I count the amount of times I been told "I love you" or "I am proud of you" outside of them being just a reply?? The only thing one needs from the ones who matter the most are those two phrases... Third, when I played sports all I wanted was a constant teacher/motivator to make me feel like my game meant something to more than just me.. I never had the front yard throw the ball father or brother or anybody that was willing to for that matter... Fourth, when I lost my oldest brother how come no one called to see if I was doin fine or make sure that I was taking it ok... I still cry with no shoulder to lean on and what hurts the most is that it feels like me being ok means nothing.... 



Excuse the pause emotions always win the fight against tears... I could go on forever about what I feel has shaped me to be who I am but I'm learning that those who u matter to will let you know and vis versa... Pain has no conscious or preference and spares no one.. So I guess the message in this is to the ones who really matter let em' know because what you don't say or express does hurt....    

Confessions(of love)....

A simple admission of guilt would suffice, but I don't know what I have done or why I'm feeling how I am... I minimize my offense like an unused window on a computer screen... I begin to change up what I say and my routine(toward her).... She begins to change also but in subtle ways that she thinks I don't notice, now she opens my car door after I open hers, she is my alarm clock, she sends me a text at 1:43 everyday that just says "=)"... So now I cant, I mean I don't move without her rythm moving with mine.. I don't eat without her belly first being full.. I don't sweat without working "her" out first.. Now I think I'm ready to make a confession but I don't wanna serve the time that will be given alone... I'm not a snitch nor will I assume so I hope she has "committed" the same crime and is willing to accept the responsibility... Time passes and when I see her again, my phone chimes (it's 1:43) and when she walks up to me and emphatically says "I confess".... Love....    

Fooled...

How can you give something if you don't kno that it's wanted... Why can't we take what we dish? How come we belittle things when we're in the wrong? Why is it so hard to move past little sh**? But when that mixed feelings smokescreen clears and the I "know how you are" understanding takes over, it seemingly clearifies if and how your relationship will go?? Or does it?? Premature love is the greatest feeling, because you don't care about flaws, the past, outside opinions, or any other henderance of the progression that is brought up against what you are endulged in with that person of your interest... But although it's one of the greatest feelings it almost never lasts long cause reality takes back over and destroys your "want" for that person of interest... Food for thought...  

Idk...

Beauty isn't justification enough to describe how God made her... Although i have never actually seen her, I know she is real... I dreamt she was mine and since then i can't think without it being about her. She is what i need in life to feel complete and If she knew what i thought she would think i was crazy and would end all communication between us... No um not in love by a long shot but i feel if she was closer i would make her feel as if the World was hers.. I would do her homework, fix her bathwater, wash her clothes, be her Doctor, just to name a few... But for now ill accept the simple texts and basic conversations cause part of her for now is more than enough to satisfy my needs... And her name is beauty!!!

Adjust Accordingly....

Different do things I... Sharing the same "specifics" as another man simply wont suffice..
I don't push to be different I just present my "prizes" with preciseness and unequaled persistence...
I can configure myself to commit and create a considerably great relationship without corrosion(baggage)....
I adjust my feelings and attitude according to your actions, aura, and acceptance of who I am..
But thats enough alliteration, let me get to my point...
I am what "YOU" want me to be, I am what you make me be, and I am what you create..
Having said that, When you lie I act like everything you say is a lie until I feel that you are believable again...
When you do things that you wouldn't want me doing, I don't get mad at your double standard I just record it until you come slick then I throw it in your face until you realize how wrong you are...
When you don't show appreciation for the small or big things I will take them away and won't give em back until I feel that you are truly and genuinely showing appreciation for what I do...
When all we do is have sex, I'm going to place my feelings aside and give you nothing but my body no excess kisses, rubs, caresses, cuddling, extra convo, nothing but penis, and mouth if I feel its necessary lol (JK)...
You see... Every move I make is dictated by you and your actions, so when the question "why are you acting like this" arises there will be no surprises...
Adjustments are made to accommodate the dissatisfactory of the product that is given....

I apologize...

Well... I guess this is goodbye.. Not see you later or "until the next time"... The words we just said aren't those of the nature one would want to forgive... But I already do.. Forgive you of course, it's all because I don't understand how one can say they have these feelings and show something else... Our relationship became a routine, something we did because that's what we had been doing and the anticipation of what was next for us disappeared... There were few smiles and plenty frowns, a little ups with a higher ratio of downs... I love you to life but I feel as if I'm just the body that you make love to and not  the soul u once connected to... I feel hollow when I think of you or hear your name.. So having said that was I ever in love?? I don't care if you've moved on or who you're with... I feel no emotion when a story regarding you is being told... I don't get butterflies when I see you or feel the need to make sure I don't look a mess... I don't think of you often, I don't wonder what if, I don't get sad when I hear the song we proclaimed "ours"... Smh... I feel bad that i let us have "post-relationship dealings" and don't tell you that you're just here to keep me from being a "man whore"... Cold?? Maybe but "was I ever in love"?? I don't think so and I sure don't feel anything now and I thought "love" of any kind was forever... I apologize...    

Don't get me wrong...

How unfair of me to be so double standardish, Now I must take a page out of my own book and slow my roll..
Cause truly I feel that I can't have fake feelings, so I must sift thru what I'm thinking before i pay that toll...
I wanna tell you how your voice soothes me like an old school feel good slow jam, and how you remind me of good old times like sitting in the back room watching Nickelodeon eating sandwiches filled with mayo and spam..
Na don't get it twisted tho I'm far from love and um just past in like with you, but I feel like I wanna put cake on your face and lick it of til you tingle and tell me that you want me...
No it's not all about this sexual thing but if we take it there I hope that you understand where um coming from, what I would do won't be the same(as what you are used to)...
You won't remember what happened but you will be left with an empty feeling and want me to come and fill it back up, its gone be deep and yes that pun was intended just so you have an idea..
It'll all start from an innocent kiss(peck), and until I feel that you have gotten used to my lips softly touching yours I won't budge cause i want us to be in sync like microsoft...
Then I'll grab the back of your neck gently while I kiss the other side like I missed it and it has been a while...
I'll pause then move back to the micro-pillows you have on your face and sync our electricity back up so that you know where um tryna go...
Then I'll kiss a pathway from your "micro-pillows" to your belly button and then shoot my attention to your pelvic area but not doing things that I don't feel "WE" are ready for...
Now don't get me wrong but these shades of love making I can't hide, and I had to stop right there before you took what I was saying and thinking the wrong way..
I know that you not to that level of feelings with me and nor am I you, but I think that what we could do would make the ground shake...
I wanna get lost and show you my hidden talents that I only bring when its game time...
But before I go on I must know what you feel about the things I ponder on? Can we make love without having those kind of feelings towards each other? Can you handle my passions? Will you let me take you out of this world?
But please, pretty please don't get me wrong...

Trapped...

So it starts just like any other good thing would: Late night convos, early morning sweet nothing texts, that anticipation of seeing em the next time.... And you know that develops into a serious talking stage right before the "boyfriend/Girlfriend" stage, cause you know you gotta sift out all of the old chicks you was still "kickin" it with. So you now you commit after you've quit all your bullshitting cause you ready to show her that its all about her what you wanna build. So now its a full pledge relationship and you showing your real colors: Favorite snack and drinks to her job, Cooking, romantic dates, the greatest epic passionate sex, giving up access codes because you have nothing to hide, Drifting away from yo boys, everything you tried to portray that you wouldn't. And more and more everyday you begin to feel and notice that your love isn't the same as hers, you notice that her kisses don't match your passion, her hugs don't feel warm, her eyes have no emotion, and you tough so it's easy to put it in the back of the closet cause you know that you don't have to see because its covered up by a lot of things.. But now she's doing things out of character like putting her phone in her pocket and checking it when you know it didn't ring, taking showers before she comes to see you when she gets off work, noticeable things that make you wonder but just feeling that she might still love you makes you put on some blinders and pretend that you don't notice..... So now she picks retarded arguments and comes up ridiculous reasons to not come see you or meet you anywhere, but you don't trip cause just feeling that she might still love you, you make yourself believe what she says... So now its over and you find out that she was letting a nigga undermine your relationship and entertaining him in ways that are fightable offenses.. But you don't trip cause you know that you still have something for her and you don't wanna do anything to harsh to mess that up just cause you feel that she might still love you... Trapped in your own smokescreen of "love" makes you do things that you wouldn't do if you were looking at yourself do them.. It hurts like hell to see what you want taken away or given away or even what you want choosing someone else... So how do you get out of that trap...?? And how do you not act calast to what might happen in the future..? How do you go back to all the things you used to do without fear of disappointment...? How do you not be an asshole when that's what the girls you want are attracted to..?? He's trapped in a current of mixed emotions.... What would you do..??

Funny how baised we are without realizing it... "WE" as a whole never see situations that involve us from both perspectives especially when our feelings are attatched... It's easier to point the finger than it is to accept that you are apart of the wrong doing... So if we listen or shut up for just 3 seconds longer we will have that much more understanding of the problems we face and the ppl we face them with...

Misunderstanding

Soooooo now we don't speak.... And this is right after our relationship hit its peak...
It's cool cause um not gone sweat you... Although you wouldn't be so nonchalant if you knew...
That deep down inside I hold you high on my "feelings" scale... But I refuse to show weakness cause although I'm different I'm still a male...
So I play cool and never speak of my hurt... But foolishly I bend my own rules and on my scale I give only you a curve...
And now um really gettin in deep into my hidden feelings... And again like clockwork with me you slow your dealings...
Now I find myself forcing me to be calus towards feelings.. All because I redundantly chose to ignore the things you were showing
You, you, you, you, you really don't know what you have created.. You let me try so hard and all the time I put in was just energy wasted...
Hold up, why should I feel so negatively for feelings that everyone longs for... Is it so wrong to do the right things and always choose the safe door...
Well...
Now it's over and when I see you there's nothing... Not anger, fear, regret, hate, happiness, or care...
So I guess that means you didn't waste my time after all. Cause now you not even an after thought or thought of for a holiday call...
I guess I misunderstood what my feelings were.. And now looking back with my misunderstanding I must concur...
No love gained no love lost gained.... The only L word I got from you was a lesson....
And for that I must say thank you..

Love...

Love is like snowflakes you will never see the same kind twice... It is widely misused and misunderstood... One thing I've come to learn is that love has no time limit, no specific guidelines that have to be followed and no age limitations... It happens when it wants to, it is the lone emotion that cannot be controlled... It always wins no matter how you fight it or the precautions you take... So please believe me when I say love is a powerful thing and shouldn't be taken lightly...