Pain...

Hahaha is all I can do when one judges another by saying "you don't have it as bad as you think".... As I pause and wipe my face from the tears that flooded my face like it was a reencarnation of Katrina I try and reflect what brought me to such an emotional point.... First, my name is spelled wrong.... Now as a man I can handle it myself but how painful is it to feel like you didn't mean enough to your parents for them to spell "their" first born son's name right.. Second, why can I count the amount of times I been told "I love you" or "I am proud of you" outside of them being just a reply?? The only thing one needs from the ones who matter the most are those two phrases... Third, when I played sports all I wanted was a constant teacher/motivator to make me feel like my game meant something to more than just me.. I never had the front yard throw the ball father or brother or anybody that was willing to for that matter... Fourth, when I lost my oldest brother how come no one called to see if I was doin fine or make sure that I was taking it ok... I still cry with no shoulder to lean on and what hurts the most is that it feels like me being ok means nothing.... 



Excuse the pause emotions always win the fight against tears... I could go on forever about what I feel has shaped me to be who I am but I'm learning that those who u matter to will let you know and vis versa... Pain has no conscious or preference and spares no one.. So I guess the message in this is to the ones who really matter let em' know because what you don't say or express does hurt....