Holding On....

Like a penguin egg: my heart, feelings and honest thoughts are sheltered... I've traveled down that road before and like the same side of a magnet my feelings just won't go that way... Is it a mind thing? Have I trained myself to be enclosed in a cocoon selfishness because of the fear of disappointment, heartbreak, or a violation of trust? Although I miss the beauty of a thoughtless kiss, or a conversation so good that it rivals a vacation.. There's something that's between us that I can't or should I dare say that I don't want to fight... Love to me is a fairy tale that we grew up hearing about in all shapes, sizes, stories, and soliloquies .... I can't definitively say that I have experienced it but then again I think that it is the sole reason why I am the way I am... Now resistance to your ways, words, (love)war tactics, are breaking me down... and I kinda like it... I feel bad that I have to end it because I have to keep my word to myself and not let anyone in again... So am I contradicting myself because I did say love to me was a fairy tale, so how could I be becoming a part of what I feel is make believe? My emotions are acidic and basic, which don't mix because their on complete opposite sides of the spectrum but that is the extent of how I'm feeling about you and this... So I guess the question I wanna know the answer to is "should anything before you even matter?"